The World's Weight

I am disheartened today. The weight of the world and the tragedies that abound lay across my soul, an unbearable burden that I fear will not be lifted - ever. That is not to say that I am not learning to push these things to the back of my awareness, focusing instead on the moment that I exist in now. But they lurk, waiting for that briefest instant when I'm not paying attention, to sneak back and steal away the peace that I seek.

Todays economy around the world, the result of a few whose greed and avarice knows no bounds apparently. Their riches and lifestyles at the expense of the majority. People losing their homes, their jobs. The suffering women in middle eastern countries. Today I read that a seventy-five year old Saudi woman has been sentenced to 40 lashes because a child that she'd helped raise although he was not her birth son, now a grown man, came with his friend, to bring her bread. Her crime - she sat in her home with a man that she is not related to. Yesterday, Don found a video where a man was talking about plastic bottle caps and the destruction that they cause in the natural world. Those things find their way into the oceans of the world, get caught up in the currents and sea birds mistake them for food and feed them to their chicks. And then the chicks grow and begin to forage on their own and they eat the bottle caps. He showed pictures of the dead chicks and their heads and wings and legs surrounded piles of bottle caps that they had consumed. He showed a picture of one of those rings that hold the bottle caps onto the juice jugs and a baby sea turtle had swum into one and it had stuck on it's little shell and the turtle had continue to grow. Only now the photo showed it only slightly smaller than dinner plate size, and the ring was still around the middle of its shell but the ring had not grown or stretched because after all those things are indestructible. You can imagine how it looked. Next week HBO will air a program called Death on a Factory Farm. I will not watch because I've seen, thanks to the internet, what happens to the animals who spend their short lives on factory farms. I think that is why I try to take very good care of Ambra and Sierra and Max and Diesel, to make up for the hurt of the others somehow. This is why Holly treats her little lovebirds like little feathered children even though Cricket can be a little brightly colored hag.
And Andy (our friend in Surrey), told Don last week, that the gang problem in the Lower Mainland of BC is an exploding problem and people are dying, innocent people who aren't even in the gangs but were in the wrong place at the wrong time, if it is to be believed that being in your own home behind closed doors is the wrong place!

How can we do this to our beautiful world? How can any man or woman believe that it is their right to rape and pillage this world and every living thing in it? Where is the tenderness and the compassion for all life? Where is the sense of responsibility that comes with being the so-called superior creature on this blue planet? Where is that duty to not take more than you need for living, so that others may take care of their families? I know that some feel that there will be a day of reckoning, others believe that history is doomed to an endless repetition, and others look towards a silent darkness. But in the meantime, the world is wrapped in a layer of misery....and we all pay the price in one way or another. Years ago, when Rodney King was beaten by L.A.'s police, the plea, "can't we all just get along", became the catch-phrase of the day. But I think that a more apt saying would be "can't we please all care"? Expand your hearts and minds and envelop the world with empathy and love.
Albert Schweitzer once said "Until he extends the circle of compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace."

Crystal blue mornings...

A couple days ago we had a minor ice storm here, rain falling down but cold enough that the droplets froze on the trees and buildings. No power yesterday as a result of lines becoming too heavy, but we were warm in the family room around the woodstove. Coffee pot on top of it, not too bad really. So today, the clouds finally cleared and the icicles that decorate everything gleam like the finest crystal and I just thought that I would share a few pictures. These are the days that make winter not so bad in Nova Scotia!!!

Beautiful gardens and March mornings....

Today is an ugly day. Minus 2 degrees and it is raining. As I drove to the yoga class that wasn't on today, I could see the coat of ice building up on the branches and trees along the road. Peoples driveways glistened like hockey rinks and front yards, still covered with snow, gleamed like fine china. It is supposed to warm up in the afternoon and then the rain will just collect in hollows and pot-holes so that when it drops in temperature tonight, it can freeze and make everything just a little more treacherous. This must be the part of winter people warn you about when you say you are moving to the East Coast. When the snow falls softly and quietly and lays gently on the land, it is so pretty and here they do such an excellent job of keeping roads clear. But there is little that can be done about the ice. The roads can be salted, but the driveways and barnyards are a bit more problematic. Must remember to take my calcium and do some weight-lifting this afternoon to keep my bones strong.

I spend a fair bit of time on the internet lately, lately dividing my time between a spiritual forum and a vegetarian forum. For a while I was also looking at one about the environment. The problem with these kind of arenas (forums) is that you can't discern body language or tone of voice so misunderstandings are frequent and in some instances these devolve into heated arguments. I've made a point of learning to be respectful and only offer opinion that is supported by the testimony of "experts" on the issue by linking to other websights in the body of my replies. For example, I recently was on the spiritual forum and someone started a thread about vegetarianism and spirituality, and I made a remark and included a link to an article that discussed a study recently put out by Dalhouse University on the subject of the environment and meat consumption. And while I've given this as an example of how one might back up a viewpoint with outside legitimate information, I'm not speaking of this discussion specifically. But the thing that I notice, regardless of what the subject is, that all to often, people don't even read the supporting information but instead are satisfied to just use "in my opinion" like that counts for anything in a discussion on the environment or health or....

The internet is a universe of information on any subject you can think of and it just boggles the mind that so many of its users don't take advantage of those who are experts and have put the information out there, apparently choosing instead to display their lack of understanding and insight on whatever the issue is. It always reminds of when I see the media do man on the street kind of interviews and they'll ask some person a question and the answer is so goofy that you are just speechless. Personally, I make a point of not responding if I don't know the subject, if all I can comeback with is "well in my opinion...." You're asking to get shot down if you do that.

But soon the weather will change and the garden will call out to me, "Debby, come out, I need to be dug/planted/moved!", and then the forums and annoying people will take a back seat to real life. Thank goodness for gardens! By the way, the picture is not my garden, but you needed something beautiful to take your mind off the drabness outside, so accept this offering of beauty and maybe one day the garden photo will be mine and it will be as lovely. Peace and joy to you on this March morning.

Snowshoes and blueberry muffins.

What an incredibly gorgeous day! Blue, blue sky stretching from here to forever and the sun shining so brightly! Cold but great after warming up from the strenuous uphill walk on our new snowshoes. A casual stroll on a summer day but when there is two feet of soft snow it is no longer so but takes a serious and sustained effort with lots of little stops to catch ones breath. We had such a nice walk and came back feeling entirely worn out. Yessiree, got our excercise today. But what kept us going was the thought of having a nice coffee and my fresh baked blueberry muffins.

How long has it been.....

It is just after 10:00 PM and while Don sits with his computer on his lap and Diesel snuggled onto one arm, I've managed to harden my heart enough to keep Max off of me, forcing him to spend time in his little bed in the corner. Don had mentioned that dust was beginning to gather on the blog because it had been two weeks (I was shocked as I hadn't noticed time passing) since I last wrote anything here. So because I needed two hands to type, Max has been exiled. Can you imagine how long it would take to write anything if I only had one hand to do it, and had to peer around a little mutt at the same time? Ages I think.

I just came in from the barn, last feeding before bed. It's so much warmer tonight than it has been. I like to stand out at the back of the barn on a sweet night like this, fluffy flakes of snow, just drifting down in the quiet night air and just absorb the stillness and try to become part of it as I look out towards the woods. So very peaceful. Maybe tomorrow I will try out my new snowshoes, at least I will if the snow falls all night. Yesterday, clippers in hand, I walked up the back hill to the woods and spent a couple hours roughing out a new little walking trail through a stand of firs there. The snow up the hill was so solid and had a nice crust that completely supported my weight. No way I would need snowshoes, but maybe tomorrow now that new snow is falling.

Let me tell you about these snowshoes. Remember the snowshoes of the old days? Wooden frame, lacing to support your weight. Well these are tubular aluminum frames, with stretched rubber bottoms and the inside, the part that your boot fastens to, is on a pivot so that your foot moves in a more natural way. Don's pair haven't arrived yet (we had to order them), but when they do, even deep snow won't stop us. Mind you, Holly and Sean, who also have a pair, say that using them is like six times more strenuous than just walking. So we may get out, but we won't be going for long walks if that's the case.

So anyway, I'm going to finish here for now, get some kindling for the fire in the morning and then to bed to bed. Ta ta for now and I'll talk to you again.

It is what it is.....

Well, well, well and hello there to whomever chooses to spend a moment here. I'm feeling very peaceful today, and while the tremendous cold outside and the lovely warm fire inside might have something to do with the feeling of coziness and safety that I'm enjoying at the moment, the peacefulness comes from somewhere else, somewhere in my heart, somewhere in my mind.

For many years, in fact so many that I can't even say when it began, I've struggled with an inner sadness and fearfulness. When Don would say to me "oh don't worry", "you worry too much", I usually would counter with something like "somebody has to because you aren't!". Very astute wouldn't you say? And I would worry about things that "might" happen ten years down the road. I like to plan ahead you see. And of course, that worrying was generally accompanied by sadness. But in my defence, who wouldn't be sad, when confronted with the surety that everything you found important or worthy, was doomed to disappear in ten years! There were other things too that I worried about, other sadness that came and went, mostly came (and stayed).

I think that it was Shakespeare who once said "that all life's a stage" and we are only actors upon it. And now I am confronting the role that I've been playing on this stage of life and I feel like I could have, should have, done so much better. It has been a little role, only a bit part, but I've studied it and perfected it and it has become me to the point where my family have come to know only that character, the sad and worried standby. It has become me, and as I look back over the years, where we once were, the various difficulties that arose and then were passed by, the momentous events of our lives that I allowed the tough moments to overshadow, I am only regretful that the gold was buried as I sat mournefully contemplating the grief that I chose to wallow in.

So I'm here to say, that this day I've chosen to put away that sad role that I've been typecast into. It is no more, and the one that I am going to work on, and study and perfect, is that of the peaceful woman, who understands and accepts that life "is what it is" and regardless of what the situation might be, that "this too will pass". If it is a tough time in life, it won't last forever, and if it is a joyous day, week, or even only a moment, it too will pass, and so I should enjoy it and appreciate it while I can.

Of Merry Go Rounds and New Years.....

I was going through my photos last night and with Don talking to Andy on the computer, this photo stood out of the lineup (and notice how the Naumanns are all lined up, why, it must be a coincidence or maybe even) a sign that I should use it and wish them all a Happy New Year! You all look so fine and seeing you reminds me that the one thing that Nova Scotia doesn't have is you guys. But thank goodness for the internet and phones and cameras right! So we must all look on the bright side even if sometimes you have to dig a little to find it.

It is snowing again here and our fire is making the family room warm and cozy. Diesel and Max are snoozing and we are feeling loose and limber from the yoga class we went to this morning. At the end of our yoga class, there is always a little relaxation period, a time where we are supposed to slow our minds down and keep the thoughts at bay so that even the brain gets a little time to rest. Harder to do than it sounds. But as I laid there, a little thought did pop in that another year has come and gone, new one begun, and what have been the blessings from all my experiences in the previous 365 days. I can say, without exception, that I have profited by all, yes all, the things that have come across my plate. I am more aware of who I am in this world, the good things that I have done, the mistakes that I have made that have again brought me clarity in understanding who I am and a new awareness and conviction that all we have is this moment, right now. I once read "the past is a memory, the future is a fantasy and all we have is now", the point being, how are you experiencing this moment? Are you savouring what it offers, or are you living in a past that is done and gone, or pinning your life to a fantasy? Slowly but steadily, I am learning to savour. I'm beginning to notice the unobtrusive special qualities of those moments that some might find of no importance and so, not worthy of notice. Like in the waning days of summer, as I stood by the wash line, hanging clothes up to dry in the sun and the breeze, and feeling the warmth on my back. Cleaning stalls one more time, and feeling good that when I brought Ambra and Sierra in, there would be food in their bucket and hay waiting in the manger. Or simply noticing and stopping to visually drink in the beautiful blending of white and purple in the petals of the african violets on my kitchen window sill, and how they sparkled in that one moment when the morning rays of the sun hit them at just the right angle. I am learning to be aware of these times, and when those niggling little voices that lurk in the dark corners of my mind, begin to whisper and attempt to agitate, I'm starting to recognize that that's what is happening and then turn away from those thoughts because I know now, that they have no value in my search for a peaceful existence.

At the core of everyone's life, I think, is a desire for peace and fulfillment. Some would arguably suggest that this is at the root of overspending, overwhelming debt-loads and the evidence of corporate greed that we have been watching in horrified fascination over the past year or so. Instead of finding their joy in the experience of that moment, the world has sought to find their fulfillment in things, and more things, and incredible amounts of money that are hard to even comprehend. For me, 2008 has been the beginning of stepping off one roller coaster and onto a gentler merry go round of life. And in 2009, as I sit astride my lovely, painted steed, I am going to see and savour the little things that pass me by, even as I pass by.