Ripples and Eddies and Ebbing and Flowing.....

The setting sun is like a spotlight on the horizon, making shadows that lay long on the grass and the dwindling leaves on the maples and yellow birches seem to have a more brilliant glow than in an afternoon light. The purple and pink clouds are pale against a pale blue sky and they move slowly and almost imperceptably across the spreading twilight. Soon the light will be gone and then one by one, the glinting stars will be there, resting as though jewels against the jewellers black velvet cloth. The end of October, almost November, then ..... and another year passed through. There have been times when I felt as though I was stepping lightly and easily, and then other moments when it was tough going, a mental struggle more than anything but different enough from the former as to cause notice. And whether this imbalance was due to this or that, I feel blessed to say that the days of joy and peace were more, much more than the other.

Taking that into consideration, and then including into the mix that this year has been, the bugs and the weather,I notice that I've sort of laid aside for just a time, a few things that I had been occupying my mind with. Somehow I began to feel like I needed to rest myself, pace myself more. And so the blog was left behind. I guess that's the way it is for most things unless you are the really focused type who can limit themselves to a fewer numbers of interests whereas I admit to having an inability to say no to new things to do. Too many names on the dance card, if you know what I mean.... Another thing that I'd laid aside for a while was art. Busy-ness and a mental dry spell creatively speaking, and I haven't really done much in that regard for a few years. But I think that may be coming back and perhaps in a week or so I'll have something to show.

The point is this, I think that when it comes to our interest or things that we must do, there is an ebb and flow just like the seasons and the best thing to do is to just accept that never ending rhythm to our natural lives and our very being and float right along with it. Just as spring necessitates planting and nurturing little garden plants and fall brings lawn rakes and putting away and tidying up in preparation for the next spring, so to do we mentally, spiritually go through a constant state of flux, of reshaping and refinement, particularly when we have an actually awareness of our life, our being. That conscious appreciation of our existence in this moment, right now, when taken with you each step of every day can be the beginning of an ability to remember the joy that each and every one of us has come out of. We've have replaced that joy with a forgetfulness that has obscured the connection that exists between us all and indeed between the Universe and humanity and the races, the planet that we live on, the waters and all the creatures that walk this world with us....yes, we've forgotten. But I have faith that there is a change coming and I think the odds are 50/50, that things are heading in a direction that will bring a growing awareness of the necessity for compassion and love and acceptance amongst all of us human beings. And perhaps being human will begin to mean that we all realize that each moment is an opportunity to be the grandest version of our greatest vision about ourselves, and without thinking, we'll seize that moment. And our contribution to the world will be an island of harmony, because after all, we're moving with the ebb and flow, not against it. And if by some bizarre and unexpected miracle, all of humanity could be convinced of the need for this change and so follow through, then think in amazement of a world of harmony, not just a one man island here or there.

Silence

Today I'm alone. That sounds strange to say…."today I am alone". Those particular words don't enter into my vocabulary in that order very often. And I am a person who doesn't mind my own company, but since we retired, I am rarely "alone". Don had a doctor's appointment in Amherst (pronounced 'Amerst') so he went, and I stayed. I was out in the garden mowing the lawn and then moving some things around…preparing for winter you know. All very pleasant. And when I got bored with doing that and had finished putting things like my little hand rake and wheelbarrow and whatever else I might have gotten out, --when I had put away those things, I knocked the dirt off my boots and went in. I put my coat in the closet and then went to wash the garden from my hands, and as the water spilled out of the tap and rinsed the bubbles away, I caught myself thinking how quiet it was and perhaps I'd go and put some music on.

And as I caught myself thinking that, I realized in almost the same moment, the other side of the coin as it were, that the idea of letting the silence reign, seemed difficult and odd, and I must confess, for a moment it made me feel a teeny, tiny bit anxious. Now I know that sounds silly………..but if you try it yourself, you just might find that you too, experience some unusual sensations. And of course I think you might agree that the reason for that is that by and large, our whole society rarely looks for the meaning of their lives in the quiet of their own mind, but instead we surround ourselves with television, and movies, and Ipods and videos on our computers, telephones and singing cards, and by our identifying one version of this or that, we identify ourselves, who we are, what we like, what kind of personality type we have. Choose classical music, long walks in the countryside, good books from the Bestsellers List, and we become an intellectual or a more cerebral individual. Choose rap music and accessorize with baggy pants and backward hats, or too much jewellery and too short skirts and we assume the appropriate tag, and it is obvious to all, who we think we are.

Turning all of those noisy and distracting things off is the opportunity to begin to know yourself in a different way and understand not only why you are like you are, but how to pare away old you and find the new and improved you that can only wait for its opportunity to emerge.

So this past year has been a time of doing that, paring away. I'm a lot more peaceful in my spirit now. Just as when I was worried as a child that nobody loved me and afraid that I would find out that it was true or that the unforeseen and unthinkable would happen to me, and so avoided situations that might be 'dangerous', I think that I've done the same in my adult life. Don has been my protector and my encourager through all my dark years and moods and I'm so grateful to him for his love and kindness. And in spite of his care, so many of my years were wasted in the emotional landscape of doom and gloom.

Fifty-five years, and it has taken that long for the clouds to begin to break and thin, but my new way of looking at all that 'wasted' time is that they are a brilliant contrast for the brightening skies in the landscape of my mood. Breaking away from my worrying means turning away from the habit of seeing only the difficulties or trials of life, and so I appreciate the contrast and enjoy the lightness of spirit that fills me more often as the days pass in quiet succession.

So the house is filled with silence and I sit, motionless, listening to it.

Puppies on holiday.

I think it is my destiny to be the crazy old dog lady when I hit my really-senior years. Kim and Oliver decided that the time had come for them to take a mini-holiday and frankly, if you have to try and manage the needs of a toddler and two dogs, it pretty quickly becomes a non-holiday and sinks more to the level of a "chore away from home". Believe me, I know. This year was the first time that our dogs spent a week in a kennel, but I have to say that Don searched out a place that is more like a five star doggy hotel. Anyway, Kim asked me if I would mind having her two doggies for a few days and because I'm a mom, I said yes ( because isn't that what moms do?). When she asked, she mentioned them staying in our barn so that they wouldn't drive us crazy and part of the reason being that her little Boo has a reputation of being a bully and horribly cranky.

As you can see from the photo above, they are not in the barn, haven't been in there for a moment, and they are getting along famously although Max is quite disappointed that neither of the visitors is particularly playful. I have to thank Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, for the great relations going on here. After Kim and Oliver had left, very shortly after in fact, Boo tried to get a little snotty and she was treated to the "Milan bite" and a very stern "hey", and that was pretty much it. I've reinforced it a couple times, but always with a descelarating sternness. For those of you not familiar with Cesar Milan, he uses the tips of his fingers to give a badly behaving dog a poke just where the side of the neck and shoulders meet, and in a very firm way says no, or in his case, kind of hisses at them. Almost without exception, a couple times of this puts Fido in his place and the bad behaviour soon ends.

So as you can see Kim, your doggies are doing good (or did good depending on when you look at this) and I think it might even have been good for them to have a change of scenery. By the way, do you have any idea how difficult it is to spend time on the computer with buddies like this?

Purrever Ranch

I'm always touched by stories about people who love animals so much that they are willing to change their lives for them to some degree or another. Today I read about a lady who opened her home to senior and disabled and special needs kitties. While people who go to the shelters to adopt are hot for the cutest balls of fluffy kittenhood, the old girls and guys sit in their little steel cages, watching and waiting, as once again, they're passed by. Despite the fact that they have as much love to offer as the little guys, no one wants them. As I read the story of Rita in Tennessee saving the first cat that she named Special, I couldn't help but cry just a little bit. With so much that is so wrong in our world, this lady followed her heart and has been doing small acts of compassion ever since. How wonderful!

So I've included the link here in case you are interested in reading about her and her kitties as well as pictures of some of the residents of Purrever Ranch.
http://lovemeow.com/2010/06/purrever-ranch-cat-hospice/comment-page-1/#comment-8772

Moncton to BC and back again....

I sense myself moving into that group that often remembers what happened ten years, fifteen years, twenty years ago with ease, while thinking of yesterday brings nothing. So in the spirit of making note somewhere, I'm going to remember, with you, our first trip back to BC, back (home?) since we moved to Nova Scotia.

Holly came for a week, without Sean, to be a kid again, with her mom and dad for just a while before she started a new life as a fully fledged grownup and a new homeowner. At least that is what she told her grandmother. And we loved having her and pretending with her that our little girl had never left. We took a trip to Wolfville, , discovered a great little vegetarian restaurant, found out about ticks and shared recipes and time. Don and I loved it and I can only hope that Holly did too. But every good time must end and on the 26th of May, we three flew out of Moncton to BC. Taking Holly home and going ourselves to see what changes had occurred in the last three years and most specially, spending time with people we love and think of every day.

The first full day there, was with Holly in Whistler and I had forgotten how magnificent the mountains are! Holly and Sean are so lucky to be spending their lives in a place that is brimming with natural beauty. And we got to see where they will be living when their apartment is completed and the mountains and pines and the rushing little river that is a stones throw from their front door is breathtaking!!! I am so envious, but after the place that they have been living in for the past year and the hardwork that they have done to save the down payment, they absolutely deserve it all.

That first night we unwittingly chose a hotel room that turned out to be right over the front entrance to Wild Bills Pub. Nice little room - until the bar opened.....Word of advice, don't stay at the Adara Hotel and that is all I will say. After that we discovered Hotwire.com and from that point on each night was an adventure. We were in the Bayshore Inn, The Executive Suites and the Hilton in Richmond. Very, very nice rooms and affordable because we'd gotten them through Hotwire.com which is a service that sells hotels empty rooms at a reduced rate. And Andy and Monika invited us to spend a night with them and that was the best of all because we got to spend the evening with them as well as the next morning just catching up on what was going on with them and their girls. Thank you Andy and Monika for the bed and the breakfast and the friendship! We're really glad that we know you and you two are up at the top of our list of "Things We Miss About BC".

We'd also gotten in touch with two friends whom we'd been terribly close to when we were all in our teens and early twenties. On the Friday we had lunch with Laurie at the Banana Leaf Restaurant and the following day with Sheila at Earls in Coquitlam. Fifteen years apart and we slipped back into the comfortableness of shared experiences as though it was yesterday. It seems to me that the friendships that we make when we are young are stronger than the new ones that come along in our greying years. Exceptions to that rule of course, but generally speaking that seems to be the way. And of course, we spent a day with my mom and with Aunt Gertie. We talked and laughed and managed to keep Aunt Gertie up and going without a nap at all, until it was even past the time she usually retired for the evening. Of course I couldn't tell you what we talked about, but who really cares because what was the most important thing was the time together. So wonderful and the most important reason for being there, family and friends!

I'm so glad that we went and aside from the relationships, the thing that I discovered that I missed the most, was the gardens of BC. The abundance and lushness and the hugeness and the colors, and the variety and I could go on and on and on! Here, very few people, except perhaps in Halifax in a few areas, people don't garden. A shrub here and there, and vast and impeccable lawns (oh my gosh you should see the lawns), but no "gardens" and I miss them. I wonder if it is because of the black flies that plague you when you try to do a bit of work outdoors from June thru the end of August? Because I'm retired, I can get out there in the morning and do what I want to do, but others who work aren't so fortunate and their time after work coincides with the ravenous appetites of the dreaded black flies.

Yes we saw changes in BC. Building and more building and rows of houses that seemed to go on for miles up streets that cut through what used to be the bush areas around Langley and high rises going up downtown, replacing the ones that used to be there and the traffic that hummed and buzzed and crawled and careened! And when we drove home from the airport after we'd picked up the dogs it was like night and day. I miss BC and I don't, but I'm glad we went.

On Meditation and Routines....

I am definitely a person for whom the word "routine" was coined. I get up, let out the dogs, make the coffee, let in the dogs, feed the dogs, sit with the dogs and my computer, drink my coffee, eat the same cereal every morning, feed Ambra and Sierra and then I do something that I started doing about a year ago. I go upstairs and I meditate for half an hour. Through that practice I've learned to quiet the hyper-activity of my mind and allow a space for the power of creation to come in and lift me up, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's helped me dial down the negativity and sadness that used to and still tries, with less and less success, to flood my being with sorrow and sometimes anger. There was a point where I wished for someone to whom I could turn, who understood my feelings because they too have been there, someone who could help me find my way out of the blackness because they've done that, someone that I could feel had such deep wisdom that their answers could become mine. But I am a realist and I know myself and I know that an "attachment " like that, i.e. teacher, guru, pastor, mentor, whatever you choose to call it, would soon have me feeling constricted and I'd begin to look for a way out.

As my early days of meditation began to become part of my routine and as I slowly, very slowly, learned to at least turn down the chatter in my mind, and as I started reading the words of others who'd gone down this road of searching for their reason for being here, in this world, at this time, a small trickle of ideas began to circulate in my head. And I quit looking for that someone to guide me as I realized that I needed to learn to be that person that I needed, that fount of wisdom, that peaceful leader, that gentle guide. That's not to say that I will get there by myself, merely that I need to be open to and looking for perfection and love everywhere and in everyone, instead of searching for someone to "give" that gift to me, someone who could facilitate an instant gratification of discovering my connection to all that is, someone to tell me what to do!

So I read, and I meditate, and I watch myself to discover the reasons why and how I react the way I do and whether I could have done a better job of reaching for that grandest vision of myself that I can come up with. At this point, I am pleased to report that I am changing and growing and finding the inner peace that we all claim to want in our lives, but so often fail to find. And as I begin to understand my own actions, I'm seeing why others behave the way they do because in one degree or another, their actions mirror mine, and mine theirs. Our motivations as humans are all surprisingly the same. At the root of all the worlds problems is that we each think of ourselves as separate individuals. That separateness leads to competition instead of cohesion. And it is cohesion, the willingness and desire to pull together, that leads to strength and it is unity that leads to peace. We see ourselves as the separate drops of water in the ocean and fail to realize that while we are each unique, we are all the same and that it is our gathering together, our oneness that gives us impact and that each and every one of us not only affects every other being in the world, but that we all need each other to be that power. We have forgotten that we are all one, that we are all as interconnected as individual points on a single strand of yarn that has been tangled by a kitten. We move through this life, brushing up and under and around and behind numerous others, who move through this life, brushing up and around and .... And these are the things that I'm learning as I silently wait for the Presence to teach me how to Be....

And this is why you came.....

All of my life, the years and the months and the days of it, all of my life I've acted upon a stage. I've walked the boards, and not known why, it just is. Tomorrow is always up ahead, and today, well today just is. And I speak my lines as you do yours.

We are all born to a role that will last until our moment is over. And it seems so long and it feels so short before that moment is arrived at and the crossing is done.

And it is not the length of the journey, but how well it is spent that counts for all. To feel each moment, the crackle of it and the crinkle, the quiet and the loud of it, the stopping and the going, these are what counts for all.

So live your life, in the fullness of love, in the warmth of joy, and say words that will reach out to those around you, that will colour their play, their lives with the same peace and happiness that you would choose for your own.

And feel, to the very marrow of your bones, the rush of it, the life of it, the humming and the vibrating of it.
And feel the rising up to meet the wonder of it. And sink into the depth of it and know that this is why you came.

This moment when you reach out and softly touch the cheek of someone you love,
And know, that this is why you came.