Fear is only a memory...

What is fear? - how does it come? Fear is always in relation to something; it does not exist by itself. There is fear of what happened yesterday in relation to the possibility of its repetition tomorrow; there is always a fixed point from which relationship takes place. How does fear come into this? I had pain yesterday; there is the memory of it and I do not want it again tomorrow. Thinking about the pain of yesterday, thinking which involves the memory of yesterday's pain, projects the fear of having pain again tomorrow. So it is thought that brings about fear...... Thought is the response of memory. - Taken from Beyond Violence by J. Krishnamurti

So fear is brought about by thought and my thoughts, as are all thoughts, are the result of memories. The unfortunate thing in this instance, is that I love working in my garden, moving plants from here to there in a never ending pursuit of the perfect "look", sort of like rearranging the furniture, only outside. And while I have never been afraid of getting my hands dirty, there is one thing and one thing alone, that can strike fear, nay, terror into my heart.....can make my heart pound, my ears ring and send me from one side of the yard to the other in less time than it takes for Don to say "let's have pie". Did you notice in the middle of the symphony of colorful garden shots the source of my fear? Laying quietly, waiting for me, so that it can wiggle just a little so that it can then settle back and watch the show that I put on as I spot it and then sprint out of its deadly range? I'm sure they sit and laugh, absolutely positive they do and not only they, but if anyone was going by just at that moment would also.

My sister Wendy and I had the opportunity during several summers to visit at Uncle Harvey and Aunt Sarah's. It was on one of those visits that the incident, which caused the memory, which causes the thought, which has caused the fear ever since, first occurred. I can remember it as though it was yesterday. As I stood in the dooryard, with Uncle Harvey's truck on one side of me, paying as little attention as most children do when lost in their daydreams, Wendy approached from around the other side of the pickup. Hearing her, I turned and as I did, she handed me a carton, said "hold this for a minute" and then walked away. As I stood there with the carton in my hands I glanced over to where she was moving away, and as I did so, there was a slight tremble in the carton and then several garter snakes, pushed through the slightly folded down top and hung down across my hands for a moment before dropping to the ground. Thus it began, my memory, my fear.

As an ethical vegan, there is no way I would ever go on a rampage, bent on wreaking havoc and destruction in the snake world. Just wouldn't happen, but at the same time, no matter how much I reason with myself and explain how these little (to me they look huge!) snakes are so necessary in the ecosystem, I just can't stay in the same fifty foot radius as them. Last night I replaced a big rock that had gotten dislodged on the culvert at the driveway and today as we mowed around the culvert, we disturbed TWO ENORMOUS snakes! If I had discovered them last night as I was replacing the rock, well I just would'nt be here to type this post today. I would have had a heart attack, that would have been the end of me.

Practical jokes can be funny sometimes, but they can also be the beginning of something that never ends. We are in the country, there are snakes around and I will just have to be careful when I garden. But when the day comes, that we cannot care for this large property and make the transition to an apartment (or an old folks home), there is one thing that I will NOT miss. Can you guess what it is?