Earth-Mother Me

A few years ago I decided that I was going to learn to bake bread. So I went on the internet, found a recipe, gathered the necessary stuff and got to it. The results were less than spectacular. So I tried again. And the results were still less than spectacular. I could go on and on and just type the same couple sentences over and over again, but to spare you the boredom of that, I can tell you that each loaf that I baked, could have been mortared into a pile and formed a reasonable retaining wall out in the garden.

I looked at bread "trouble-shooting" sites, I read and reread recipes and instructions and couldn't figure out where I was going wrong. And if I did manage to get a loaf to rise a tiny bit, I would find on slicing it, that the top was hollow. You have no idea how frustrated I was. But then one day I saw someone on tv making bread and in minutes, I could see where I was going wrong. You see, every recipe that I looked at called for a specific amount of water and a specific amount of flour. Not one of them suggested adding your flour a bit at a time, working it in, add a bit more and so on, until you get a nice workable dough. For the most part, if you add exactly what is called for in any of these recipes, it is too much and the result is a great lump of dough that is so solid you couldn't knead it if you had arms like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his glory days.

So I finally got the hang of it, but now my goal has been to figure out the amounts so that I can produce one little loaf that just fits into my little convection/toaster oven. It always comes out with a couple of really toasted stripes on the top because the elements are a tad close, but it is still good and just the right amount for a couple. I always found that I tossed away more bread than we ate when I bought large store made loaves. But these smaller loaves are a better size for us.

You know, when I was making my bricks, it became a bit of a personal crusade to actually get a good loaf and there were a few times that I actually mixed up a batch of bread two times in one day. Funnily enough, even though I was churning out one lousy loaf after another I found the whole process strangely satisfying. Made me feel very "earth-motherish" if you know what I mean.

Stay at home kinda days...not this time!

Yesterday was a stay-at-home kind of day, but we didn't. Don had to go and let a furnace installer in at the duplex so I went with him and he dropped me off at the Stanley Street house to work on the bedrooms, etc. The highway was slow going because of a bit of an ice storm that had blown in overnight, but when you've got the tenant agreeable to time and an installer scheduled, you have little choice. So we just left early, drove slow and got there safely. We're learning to deal with the weather one day at a time. The trees along the highway were heavily laden with ice from the storm, and bowed down low with the weight of it. It was beautiful. Some of the trees that were bent over from the weight of the ice were six inches thick but they did not break, but there were a few that had snapped in half.

As far as the Stanley Street house is concerned, the new windows make a huge difference. Not only do they not have 25 years of dirt encrusting them now, but with white vinyl frames instead of the old rotting, blackened frames they let so much more light in. It's sort of like putting a string of pearls on a bag lady who hasn't showered for a very long time. But we're slowly getting the bag lady cleaned up and hopefully she'll be ready to present to society. As it is, I washed the walls of the one bedroom yesterday as well as the upstairs hall and down the stairs. Sad to say, it was hard to tell that I'd done anything even though I changed the water in the bucket at least three times. I think the walls are just stained from years of greasy dirt sitting on them. I can hardly wait to get the fresh paint on the walls. Even though it isn't nearly done, you can see the potential that this little house has. We won't be embarrassed to show it to anyone and I think it will make a nice little home for someone and their family.

What Is My Truth?

What is my truth? Have you ever asked yourself this question? Did you ever come to a conclusion? I may have asked it, but then again, I am not sure if it has really occurred to me that I needed to know. I think that I have gone through most of my life reacting to the times, circumstances, what I wished would happen or worse yet, what I was afraid would happen. And I don't know if it is only a natural event, the asking of this sort of question, coming at the usual time of the life of a person, when the children are settled in their adult lives, and we parents settle in to wait through the coming years til our own end. Maybe all 52 year olds begin thinking like this. What is my truth? Or maybe since so much of my life has gone by where I have not felt a need to know, maybe now is the time to chose the kind of person that I will be, rather than just reacting to life and having life "chose the kind of person that I will be" and in so doing, will discover what is my truth.

So here goes," my truth is/the person that I am is" ......I am, patient, kind, compassionate, truth(ful), sincere. The phrase "I am" is the most powerful and creative beginning place for an understanding of who I am. Someone else used this phrase long before I ever did, and it was proven to be exactly what was needed. And I've heard of counsellors advising their clients to act out this phrase, i.e. I am not a smoker, I am not a drinker, I am in love with my husband/wife....and that reality will follow. I know when I quit smoking decades ago, I tried to think that way when I was in the throes of a super-craving, I am a non-smoker, I am a non-smoker.... When I first quit eating meat, I practised in my mind that I was a vegetarian. You know, "I am a vegetarian, I am a vegetarian, ....." And now 15 years later, I still am a vegetarian, and I don't smoke either! So it must work.

I am finding it very simple this time to move to being a vegan and I think that this is part of my truth too, now. I haven't had to use the "I am" mantra to turn away from cravings, it has been a very natural progression. Because I chose to be kind and compassionate (see above), it is natural to extend my truth to include all animals, including the dairy cows, and the chickens that live (wrong word to use here, should be survive for a very short and hideous time) in the factory farms. I think that I am learning to see the world through different eyes, through someone else's eyes. And isn't that the beginning of the kind of sensitivity that would save the world from itself? If we could learn to feel the next person's pain, and if this awareness could spread like a virus, there would be no more war, no more children being bullied to the point of suicide/murder, no more need to be one-up on the next guy (i.e. better looking, better dressed, skinnier, etc.) and then a natural progression would be to extending those feelings of love to the natural world. The rainforests would be in better shape, wild animals wouldn't be poached like they are, factory farming would change, the fashion industry would see the horror of fur, pets would be loved enough to spay and neuter, and our highest goal would be to live in a way that causes no hurt, no harm. Hmm, I think that is my truth, to cause no hurt, to cause no harm.

Placebos and Other Cures?

I'm almost reluctant to write this now. Too soon and maybe it is all in my head. Hmm, what to do? After due consideration and the fact that I have nothing to do in the next few minutes, I might as well tell you about the possibility that I've found something that seems to be helping the arthritis that as developed in my one hand. Notice the "disclaimer" tone that permeates that last sentence? Anyway, for the sake of conversation, I'll just get to it and share.

So let me tell you....

Last night, after reading something on the internet, I decided to try a half teaspoon of turmeric in a glass of water. Hardly any taste, and I needed a glass of water anyway. So this morning, I got up and the first thing I noticed was that my hand didn't feel quite as stiff and cramped as it usually does in the morning. I usually have a bit of the "claw" thing going on with my right hand first thing and while it does go away as I get busy, still it's not nice overall. It kind of worries me too, because we've all seen people or photos of people who's hands are all twisted up and they can hardly manage a doorknob, never mind do the kind of art and other things that I do. So I took another 1/2 teaspoon this morning, and then did a search on the internet about the health benefits of turmeric and it seems that they are numerous. I think that I will take a 1/2 tspn three times per day and I will let you know if I notice any further improvements, like the bit of swelling in the palm of my hand disappears too! I'm very excited about this if it works. Just imagine, a spice that has been sitting in my cupboard, hardly ever used and suddenly my hand quits its aching!

Anyway, hope that you are all having a nice day. It is snowing here and so I am going to work on a few ongoing projects inside. Don will busy himself with whatever it is that he does to pass the time. So take care and I will keep you posted.

What Other Than Bliss, This Life....

Barn chores finished now, but I'm warm in my multiple layers and nothing urgent is waiting in the house so I've paused in the busy-ness of the day and found a seat on the tractor bucket. The sky is darkening and overhead, in the early night sky, the moon is shining and watching me. An ocassional car goes past on the road, but other than that, it's quiet. Ambra and Sierra are just on the other side of the fence, still searching for the last blades of grass from their supper hay. Their feet make a crunch and squeaking sound in the snow occasionally. Every so often they lift their heads and look towards the forest, perhaps scanning the woods for the deer that emerge sometimes from the edges.

The big, old aspen, whose leaves shake and rustle in the summer with the sound of waterfalls, now stands as a black, bare silouhette against the fading sunset. No more shocking pinks and oranges, only a soft cream colour tinged with mauve and lavender and grey. And over all, whiteness and quiet and peace. And I realize that inside me, there is quiet and peace at a level that I never thought possible. This is the bliss that I have yearned for all my life, the completeness and sense of safety that seemed to have escaped me until now. I wish that this could be bottled and given, not sold, but given to all the world. For to sell what I feel would be a travesty against the very spirit that fills me and walks with me as I move through this world now. And having received, the world would be inclined to slow down for those who have trouble keeping up, and would be inclined to reach out a gentle hand to lift up the fallen, and to rejoice in this spectacular world that we've been gifted with. Yes, here I have found my bliss.

Catch up day...

No gardening today my dears! It has been gently snowing all day, covering everything and making it all pretty. So we spent the day at home, catching up on a few things that have been left for far too long. We glued the last brick to the family room wall and tomorrow we'll grout them in. It looks so nice, just like we imagined it would. And I took up the hem on the drapes in Don's office and I did it on my new sewing machine. Yes, after thirty or so years, my old machine packed it in. Probably partly because I never once oiled it, except for the time I took it to a service guy. It must have been pretty bad, because I remember him asking me if I ever oiled it. You all know how mechanically and electrically inclined I am, and no one ever told me that you have to oil sewing machines! So I didn't. So that gives you an idea how well things were built "in the old days". Even total neglect couldn't stop it for many years. I'm so sorry little sewing machine.

So anyway, at Christmas Don bought me a Singer Simple, and all I can say is you would have to be "simple" to keep that dreadful machine. I spent one afternoon fighting with it (just out of the box) and then put it back in the box. Now I have a Kenmore and so far it seems wonderful. The best thing about it is that it has an automatic threader so now I can put away the magnifying glass and the 1000 watt spotlight that was becoming necessary in order to thread the needle. That was almost enough to put me off sewing all together.

I don't know what we will do tomorrow, maybe go into Amherst and do some grocery shopping and wash the bedroom walls of the Stanley Street house. I heard that the new windows were delivered yesterday. And maybe not. The beauty of retirement is that if we want to we can and if we don't want to, we don't have to.

Early start to gardening....

Several years ago a friend from our early days got married. While at the reception, she announced that her and her new husband were leaving for......drum roll please.....Nova Scotia! Well you can imagine the response from those of us who were just hearing about their decision for the first time. It was much the same as the response from some folks when we announced, many year after Merrilee, that we were going to Nova Scotia. Something along the lines of "do you know what the winters are like there? Are you nuts?" The nuts part might not have been actually verbalized, but the implication was there.

The reason that I bring this up is that it came to mind yesterday as I was doing a bit of gardening in the form of moving some young trees that I had planted in the fall. After having a couple months to really think about their use in the yard, I realized that they were not in the right spot. Don once said many years ago, that my plants should have wheels on them because I am constantly moving them around. My approach to gardening is somewhat like arranging the furniture; you have to try the chair(tree) in different spots before you find just the right one.

So here it is, January in Nova Scotia, and I got to work in my garden yesterday. A couple days ago, the temperature was up to 12 degrees. And the pictures that you see here, well I ran outside in my pj's to take one of them. No jacket, and wearing slippers on my feet. It's a little bit frosty but promising to be a gorgeous day with not a cloud in the sky. As winters go, not to bad. And I have to say, that we've been told a few times now that this is the worst winter for snow that they have had around here for a few years. Hmmm, sort of flies in the face of "do you know what Nova Scotia winters are like!"

When I was young and working at my very first full time job, I worked near a pet shop and would often walk over and ooh and aah over the kittens and puppies. Now before you get bent out of shape, my interest in pet shop puppies was decades ago, and I was unaware of the tragedy that surrounds these puppies beginnings. Anyway, one afternoon I fell in love with the tiniest, most adorable little chihuahuas. And as is usually the case, being a teenager, I became obsessed and decided that with my next paycheck, I would be bringing one of them home. Do you remember when Christmas oranges came in little wooden boxes? Well I had one that would be exactly the right size to be a bed for a tiny little dog like the one that I was going to bring home.

Unfortunately, by the time I had enough money, the little dog of my dreams was gone. But it is many years later, and in that time, we have had chihuahua's and loved them and enjoyed them. They've been part of our lives in every respect and as Kim and Holly have left home, the little pooches have become our kids. I don't know, once a parent, always a parent? Anyway, today we said goodbye to one of our kids. After almost 18 years, our little Lucy was just too tired to go on and the joy was gone from her life. So this morning, in spite of the blowing snow, we went to the vets office. In a moment, and without even a sigh, it was over.

The land is covered with a blanket of snow right now and it will be many months before the grass is green again, but when the spring comes and life begins anew, Lucy will be laid to rest beneath the little apple tree in the back yard. I am so glad that she could come to Nova Scotia with us and even though her little eyes couldn't see the blue skies, she could feel the sunshine and hear us call her name. Now she isn't tired anymore.

Lucy was always the most photogenic little lady as you can see. The first photo, taken on the lawn, was when she was about 9 or 10. The next one was taken in the summer after she'd gotten a summer haircut. Wasn't she the cutest little thing. And the last one was taken just after the last bath that she had about two weeks ago. Still sweet, and fresh and clean and cuddly.