Only Four Hours.......

The sun was shining today, clear blue skies and not too cold. Now though, bundled in my barn jacket, worn old gloves on my hands the cold is deepening, and I realize that I am looking at the last full moon of the year. In the deepening blue twilight, the tall fir trees that stand at the edge of the forest behind our field are a dark line and behind them, the moon glows full and golden. Ambra and Sierra have heard the screen door slam and are coming in to their gates, knowing that in the next few minutes, they'll come in for their buckets of feed and a drink of warm water. I can hear their hooves crunching on the snow even from this distance. There is a comforting sameness in this routine of ours. They need me and trust me and I like it, and I'm pleased to be able to care for them even when its cold, even when their breath turns to thick layers of frost on the insides of the barn windows.

The last full moon of this year, the last time I bring them in this year, the last time I write in this blog this year, the last time....So many lasts, but what one thing have I learned that I can take forward into the new year that is only four hours away? I think the best thing that I've realized this year is that we all make of our lives, just what we want them to be. It's our willingness to see the best in situations and people, that will cause those "bests" to be revealed to us and by us. If I determinedly look for the failings of others or try to see only how I've been hurt by the world, then that becomes my experience. I used to know a young lady when she was only a child, and the thing I will always remember about her is that the moment she walked into the room, she was everyones friend, young or old, because that is how she saw them, as friends that she just hadn't met yet. She lived a special truth even though she likely didn't realize it and that is, that your life will be what you make it be, what your thoughts and actions bring into being.

I used to worry a lot about everything. Even when things were working out the way we wanted them to, I worried about when they might change and what would I do then. A very hard way to live a life, because I forgot to revel in, to enjoy the moments as they came along and instead strained to see the point in time that the dreaded change would begin. But in this past year, I've finally been able to put that old habit away and not only that, but started to understand that everyone else, whether they know it or not, are actively engaged in making their lives turn out just the way they want them to be. We all give lip-service to wanting to be happy and have lots of love around us, to sustain and support us in the difficult times of life, but all too often, we're betrayed by our actions. If we truly wanted to be surrounded by love, why do we push it away when it comes in the form of concern or questions or offered guidance. If we truly want to be surrounded by love, why do we dig our heels in and hang on instead to one moment of irritation or insult as if choosing it instead because that is the precious commodity?

As I've come to realize that each of us is solely responsible for our own lives, it has taken a burden off of my shoulders. I can only do so much to make the next person happy and as long as I give them the kindness and respect that I would appreciate receiving, everything else in their lives is up to them. The choices that they have made, the things that they've said or done, the directions that they've taken have put them exactly where they are, where they want to be. If they are happy and feel love all around them, it is because they've said kind words, extended a helping hand, turned the other cheek at times.....and if they feel forgotten, or lonely, then it is because they failed to say the kind words, or extend the helping hand, or held onto hurt feelings....

For you who spend sleepless nights agonizing over how to help someones life be better, give them kindness and love and then close your eyes. They are where they want to be, for right now. For you who try to work out ways to advise without seeming to, instead, just give them love and kindness, and leave the door open for when they come back to feel one more time, that tender warmth. Because for now, they are where they want to be. And look forward with hope, to a time when they will be decide that change is needed and when that happens, their choices will make it so.

In the meantime, I have decided that I want a life of serenity, love, and quiet joy. In order to make of my life, what I want, I try to speak words of loving kindness, to see the good in all, spend time in quiet meditation, and stop frequently to just inhale the moment and take joy in its fragrance. Happy New Year!

Patience, more patience, and try again....

The fan on the wood stove is whirring, Diesel is laying close by, basking on the warmth of the brick hearth and Max is wandering around looking a bit bored. And I just finished emptying my camera of half a years worth of photos. It's so easy to take them, the put the camera away and when you finally do transfer them over to the computer, you discover just how quickly time has passed. So while we are all caught in the deep freeze of winter, I thought what better time to look at vegetable garden pictures.

As you will have noticed, the first photo is my summer hold out geranium. Even though there is snow on the ground outside, my geranium doesn't want to quit. It's actually a beautiful jewel of color, there on the windowsill. And even in the evening, when it is dark outside, and the light over the sink is on, from the outside it glows even more brilliantly. The single glorious reminder of a summer gone.....

As for the rest of the photos, two of them were taken early in the season. If you look carefully, you can see the tiny green Tiny Tim (or maybe they were Sweet 100's) tomatoes on the little short vines. And then there is the photo that shows my tomatoes ripening and some red as well as the lovely green peppers. I think that the plastic mulch around them really helped considerably. But one other thing that you'll notice is that even though the tomatoes are ripening and the green peppers are looking to be a nice size, the plants are small, very small. That is because we had so much rain and cloud cover through the summer, that things couldn't really get going. And I was not the only one noticing the problem. Others too complained that their gardens were slow, slow, slow. Even though we had a fairly warm summer, there was just not enough sunlight. Sort of like trying to grow a garden in the shade and we all know that won't work.

But I will try again next summer. Some changes that I plan on making are raised beds and for the peppers and tomatoes, some more permanent type of tunnel or cloche system, as well as the plastic mulch again to keep the soil warm. I've also decided that successive plantings don't work as well here on the eastcoast as they do in BC. With the soil only getting warm into June, there doesn't seem to be enough time for that method and so I will just go ahead and plant once.

Gardens are another of lifes opportunities to learn lessons of patience and more patience. And what works this year, might not work so well next because the weather is different. But regardless of the curveballs of changing weather patterns, I will keep on trying, because when it works even a little, it is so worthwhile.

Enjoy your memories of summer, the memories that you and your family are making this holiday season and enjoy some special moment this day.

Better late than never!

With Christmas just around the corner, gift planning and buying in full swing, except of course for the husbands and dads who, true to tradition will leave it to the 24th of December, I've debated what to write about this week. Part of me really does want to get into the festive mood along with everyone else but then there is another feeling doing battle with that, that says, "an opportunity!! Don't miss the opportunity!" While the photos shown here, may celebrate one aspect of this holiday season, the focus of the blog is a little different. Sorry, I couldn't resist folks...

The weather has turned colder across the country and our thoughts are turning to being cozy, buying gifts, drinking hot cocoa, and Christmas trees and family gatherings. And Christmas lists everywhere have any number of toys, and gadgets and maybe, unfortunately things either made of or trimmed with fur. And true to form, because I am such an awful Grinch, I'm asking you to cross those off your list or if you are the shopper, ignore them entirely.

The bulk of the fur produced these days comes from China, a country which has absolutely no laws regarding how animals are treated. The fur on that jacket hood may come from a shepherd/lab cross, a bunch of cats, or a little animal called a raccoon dog. They will have lived in the most squalid of conditions, likely with inadequate food, little or no protection from the elements and to say that their death is brutal is inadequate and minimizes the true horror. In the interests of the holiday season, I'll refrain from going into that in any detail for now. In our country too, there are fur farms, and while there is a pretense at laws controlling how animals are treated, it is rarely policed and ultimately the end result is the same, death. The mink and fox that are killed are by nature secretive animals who have strong family bonds and the way they are raised frustrates these instincts entirely. Perhaps the equivalent from a human perspective would be a child with all the attendant needs for love and nurturing, being isolated, ignored and deprived of all that it takes for one of our own to grow to be a loving and fulfilled member of our society.

When I was in Newfoundland in the fall, we saw a wild silver fox standing at the side of the highway. In excitement, we slowed the car and pulled over. He or she, came within two feet of camera lenses, and to be honest that brief interaction with a wild creature was the highlight of the whole trip. When we came home, we were showing the pictures to friends and the minute that little beautiful wild fox came up on the slideshow, one of our friends blurted out "fur coat". She totally missed the real beauty of this moment and instead, displayed what I feel is a callousness that is all too typical throughout the world.

My Christmas wish is that while you include a little toy under the tree, for Fido or Kitty, that you would also include a gift for those tragic animals who don't want to have their body parts included amongst the glittering, beribboned packages. Give them the gift of compassion, please, for the sake of this season of Love.

What Am I?

When I was a child, my view of the world was small. I saw myself, my family, then my grade one class and trips to the supermarket. As I got older that view expanded to include the place I worked a first job, then the second and along the way, the friends that I attached to myself. All these became part of who I saw myself as. And swirling in and around all the symbols of me, were the things that I did, the ideas that came into my mind. And mostly I thought about myself and how events in my immediate world affected me. We are all like that, and it is a natural progression and like all progressions, it grows and changes and over time we "become more".

But there comes a point when all of that peaks and the refinement begins and it is at this point that we begin to understand who we are, what we are, what we have been and what we chose to be and in many cases, why we are here. We've all done things that were not noble, where the doing was prompted by selfishness alone and particularly when we were or are young. But these events can become the contrast that enables us to see the person that we wish to see ourselves as, in our later years. Which option, which person do we chose, to be the real us? The person we are in that moment, or someone kinder, gentler, someone "better".

It has been said that you are what you chose to be and if all you have is the "right now", than what are you right now? Are you continuing to be thoughtless, chaotic, allowing life to happen to you, living your life in fragments, because sometimes you are patient, and sometimes you are not. Sometimes you are compassionate and sometimes you have no care for others. A fragmented life cannot be a joy-filled life. In those moments where your choice is only for you and comes at the expense of anothers happiness, how can you experience joy?

Available to all of us is an experience of a life of wisdom, compassion, joy. We only have to make that choice in this moment because this moment is all there is. The past doesn't exist and the future is only a fantasy. But right now is....right now. Right now is all that there is. So right now, how do you see yourself? How do you choose to see yourself? You can choose to be a compassionate person, and make the same choice in the next moment and the next....The essential ingredient in all of this is the ability to imagine the greatest and highest vision of yourself that you can come up with. We are body, mind and spirit. Do we let our body make our decisions, our mind, or do we allow the spirit to take control?

Why I am a vegan.....

About a year ago, Kim said something to me about PETA that made me curious. I can't remember what it was exactly, probably not flattering, but to be honest I hadn't really ever heard about them so I did a search on them. That is one of the marvels of this era in mans history, that very little can be kept secret. You can get information on just about anything. Anyway, a search of the name PETA brought up a wealth of information. There were blogs that mentioned them in passing, there were news articles talking about them, there were newsletters run buy them, and there were undercover videos taken by them. The saying is that a picture is worth a thousand words, and the stories that those videos told broke my heart. It only took a day or two and I made a decision that has changed my life, my cooking, my attitude about so many things. That is why I am a vegan today and will be til I die. Those first few videos were only a start as I found myself unable to turn away from the pain and suffering that I saw and read about. It continued for many months and the images became imprinted in my brain, the frightened little calves, the chickens with no feathers and crippled legs, the tiny piglets tossed aside like garbage, the horses standing against rodeo rails with broken legs dangling.......the list is absolutely endless. I have no cravings for things like ice cream or chocolate, butter on corn or any of the multitude of foods that come from the human use of animals because I see that pain burned onto my brain. I've had occasion to speak of my feelings to Don, trying to explain to him how I am hurt when friends have made a thoughtless joke about eating dogs (I love our dogs!), and my voice breaks up as the tears begin to flow just in the telling.

Next to the terrible sadness that I live with and the empathy that causes my own suffering at their pain, the hardest thing is finding a way to reconcile in my mind, that very few people feel the same way about this. While we recoil in horror at the newspaper story that tells of someone dragging an animal to its death or shudder at the notion that someone would let their animals starve to death, or feel irritation that the neighbor lets their dog run loose in the neighborhood and give birth to one litter after another without regard for the thousands upon thousands of dogs that are killed every day in shelters across the country, sympathy rarely makes the transfer to all the other animals that suffer miserable pain filled existences that are so horrendous, that if we knew of someone doing those things to a pet cat or a pet dog, the SPCA would be called promptly and charges would be filed. Somehow, food animals, fur animals, medical use animals deserve no sympathy, no care, no compassion.

The opening days of Creation were apparently idyllic, the people walked in the garden and the animals had no fear of them, and according to the Bible, the new earth will see the lion lay down with the lamb but in the time between, we see man laying waste to this beautiful jewel of a planet. Would it not make more sense for believers to seek that vision now, that God apparently has for the world? And for those who aren't Christian but are spiritual seekers, what of a desire to live in harmony with the earth and all the beings that walk upon it? One of my favourite quotes was by the Buddha where he said "When a man has pity on all living creatures, then only is he noble". I think it is time for man to climb down from the pedestal that he has so happily placed himself on for nobility is not a trait that is evident when it comes to the kind of treatment that is accorded almost every species on this planet. And don't get me wrong, I do realize that there are many people who work hard to care for animals and provide them with the support that is necessary for them to recover from their interaction with people. The Tennessee Elephant Refuge is a prime example as is Dogtown USA, or the Lange Foundation in California. But these kinds of places are the exception rather than the rule.

In the early days of my change, I struggled with a very real, very hard to live with anger about all of this and out of that anger, I sought out support and understanding on several different forums. One forum was for veg'ns only and the other was a spiritual forum. At one point I was also spending time on a couple horse forums, but found that there was a total lack of care for the horses that wind up being shipped to slaughter. I ran into trouble with those who had racetrack connections as well as the backyard breeders who were willing to consign horses to the slaughterhouse if only they could enjoy the sight of a baby horse of their own cavorting in the back yard. And the racetrack folks were angry at the suggestion that their search for the next winner was the cause of a multitude of horses winding up in that horrific situation of facing the bolt gun and all the terror and suffering that that would cause them. For all their "love" of horses, they needed slaughter houses to get rid of their excess.

The spiritual forum was an experience! What amazed me was that it was necessary to argue for compassion and that I did in a thread that went on for over 800 posts. And while that thread began as the question, "does meat eating affect ones spiritual growth?", it ultimately covered all of the issues from spirituality, to the effects on your body from eating meat, to how does one get all ones nutritional needs met, to the effect of meat production on the health of our planet home. It covered everything and for every argument that I presented, I supplied links and information to back it up. But in the last week the discussion has finally begun to expire. Everything that could be said, has been. I can only hope that one person out of all those that participated is thinking seriously about the issues. As for the needs that first took me to that forum, i.e. how do I reconcile my feelings with the way things are in the world, I suppose the best I can say is that I have become a bit numb and can look away so that I don't feel battered and bloodied every time I am confronted with thoughtless remarks from friends about eating my dog or.....?

In the weeks to come, I hope to share some of my ideas and philosophies on living a life of compassion for the animals that share the earth with us. And I'll tell you of the information that I've come across that should not only make you think, but even inspire a fear for the planet unless our lifestyles change, and I believe there are some very legitimate concerns that we should all be aware of. So til then.....