Only Four Hours.......

The sun was shining today, clear blue skies and not too cold. Now though, bundled in my barn jacket, worn old gloves on my hands the cold is deepening, and I realize that I am looking at the last full moon of the year. In the deepening blue twilight, the tall fir trees that stand at the edge of the forest behind our field are a dark line and behind them, the moon glows full and golden. Ambra and Sierra have heard the screen door slam and are coming in to their gates, knowing that in the next few minutes, they'll come in for their buckets of feed and a drink of warm water. I can hear their hooves crunching on the snow even from this distance. There is a comforting sameness in this routine of ours. They need me and trust me and I like it, and I'm pleased to be able to care for them even when its cold, even when their breath turns to thick layers of frost on the insides of the barn windows.

The last full moon of this year, the last time I bring them in this year, the last time I write in this blog this year, the last time....So many lasts, but what one thing have I learned that I can take forward into the new year that is only four hours away? I think the best thing that I've realized this year is that we all make of our lives, just what we want them to be. It's our willingness to see the best in situations and people, that will cause those "bests" to be revealed to us and by us. If I determinedly look for the failings of others or try to see only how I've been hurt by the world, then that becomes my experience. I used to know a young lady when she was only a child, and the thing I will always remember about her is that the moment she walked into the room, she was everyones friend, young or old, because that is how she saw them, as friends that she just hadn't met yet. She lived a special truth even though she likely didn't realize it and that is, that your life will be what you make it be, what your thoughts and actions bring into being.

I used to worry a lot about everything. Even when things were working out the way we wanted them to, I worried about when they might change and what would I do then. A very hard way to live a life, because I forgot to revel in, to enjoy the moments as they came along and instead strained to see the point in time that the dreaded change would begin. But in this past year, I've finally been able to put that old habit away and not only that, but started to understand that everyone else, whether they know it or not, are actively engaged in making their lives turn out just the way they want them to be. We all give lip-service to wanting to be happy and have lots of love around us, to sustain and support us in the difficult times of life, but all too often, we're betrayed by our actions. If we truly wanted to be surrounded by love, why do we push it away when it comes in the form of concern or questions or offered guidance. If we truly want to be surrounded by love, why do we dig our heels in and hang on instead to one moment of irritation or insult as if choosing it instead because that is the precious commodity?

As I've come to realize that each of us is solely responsible for our own lives, it has taken a burden off of my shoulders. I can only do so much to make the next person happy and as long as I give them the kindness and respect that I would appreciate receiving, everything else in their lives is up to them. The choices that they have made, the things that they've said or done, the directions that they've taken have put them exactly where they are, where they want to be. If they are happy and feel love all around them, it is because they've said kind words, extended a helping hand, turned the other cheek at times.....and if they feel forgotten, or lonely, then it is because they failed to say the kind words, or extend the helping hand, or held onto hurt feelings....

For you who spend sleepless nights agonizing over how to help someones life be better, give them kindness and love and then close your eyes. They are where they want to be, for right now. For you who try to work out ways to advise without seeming to, instead, just give them love and kindness, and leave the door open for when they come back to feel one more time, that tender warmth. Because for now, they are where they want to be. And look forward with hope, to a time when they will be decide that change is needed and when that happens, their choices will make it so.

In the meantime, I have decided that I want a life of serenity, love, and quiet joy. In order to make of my life, what I want, I try to speak words of loving kindness, to see the good in all, spend time in quiet meditation, and stop frequently to just inhale the moment and take joy in its fragrance. Happy New Year!

Patience, more patience, and try again....

The fan on the wood stove is whirring, Diesel is laying close by, basking on the warmth of the brick hearth and Max is wandering around looking a bit bored. And I just finished emptying my camera of half a years worth of photos. It's so easy to take them, the put the camera away and when you finally do transfer them over to the computer, you discover just how quickly time has passed. So while we are all caught in the deep freeze of winter, I thought what better time to look at vegetable garden pictures.

As you will have noticed, the first photo is my summer hold out geranium. Even though there is snow on the ground outside, my geranium doesn't want to quit. It's actually a beautiful jewel of color, there on the windowsill. And even in the evening, when it is dark outside, and the light over the sink is on, from the outside it glows even more brilliantly. The single glorious reminder of a summer gone.....

As for the rest of the photos, two of them were taken early in the season. If you look carefully, you can see the tiny green Tiny Tim (or maybe they were Sweet 100's) tomatoes on the little short vines. And then there is the photo that shows my tomatoes ripening and some red as well as the lovely green peppers. I think that the plastic mulch around them really helped considerably. But one other thing that you'll notice is that even though the tomatoes are ripening and the green peppers are looking to be a nice size, the plants are small, very small. That is because we had so much rain and cloud cover through the summer, that things couldn't really get going. And I was not the only one noticing the problem. Others too complained that their gardens were slow, slow, slow. Even though we had a fairly warm summer, there was just not enough sunlight. Sort of like trying to grow a garden in the shade and we all know that won't work.

But I will try again next summer. Some changes that I plan on making are raised beds and for the peppers and tomatoes, some more permanent type of tunnel or cloche system, as well as the plastic mulch again to keep the soil warm. I've also decided that successive plantings don't work as well here on the eastcoast as they do in BC. With the soil only getting warm into June, there doesn't seem to be enough time for that method and so I will just go ahead and plant once.

Gardens are another of lifes opportunities to learn lessons of patience and more patience. And what works this year, might not work so well next because the weather is different. But regardless of the curveballs of changing weather patterns, I will keep on trying, because when it works even a little, it is so worthwhile.

Enjoy your memories of summer, the memories that you and your family are making this holiday season and enjoy some special moment this day.

Better late than never!

With Christmas just around the corner, gift planning and buying in full swing, except of course for the husbands and dads who, true to tradition will leave it to the 24th of December, I've debated what to write about this week. Part of me really does want to get into the festive mood along with everyone else but then there is another feeling doing battle with that, that says, "an opportunity!! Don't miss the opportunity!" While the photos shown here, may celebrate one aspect of this holiday season, the focus of the blog is a little different. Sorry, I couldn't resist folks...

The weather has turned colder across the country and our thoughts are turning to being cozy, buying gifts, drinking hot cocoa, and Christmas trees and family gatherings. And Christmas lists everywhere have any number of toys, and gadgets and maybe, unfortunately things either made of or trimmed with fur. And true to form, because I am such an awful Grinch, I'm asking you to cross those off your list or if you are the shopper, ignore them entirely.

The bulk of the fur produced these days comes from China, a country which has absolutely no laws regarding how animals are treated. The fur on that jacket hood may come from a shepherd/lab cross, a bunch of cats, or a little animal called a raccoon dog. They will have lived in the most squalid of conditions, likely with inadequate food, little or no protection from the elements and to say that their death is brutal is inadequate and minimizes the true horror. In the interests of the holiday season, I'll refrain from going into that in any detail for now. In our country too, there are fur farms, and while there is a pretense at laws controlling how animals are treated, it is rarely policed and ultimately the end result is the same, death. The mink and fox that are killed are by nature secretive animals who have strong family bonds and the way they are raised frustrates these instincts entirely. Perhaps the equivalent from a human perspective would be a child with all the attendant needs for love and nurturing, being isolated, ignored and deprived of all that it takes for one of our own to grow to be a loving and fulfilled member of our society.

When I was in Newfoundland in the fall, we saw a wild silver fox standing at the side of the highway. In excitement, we slowed the car and pulled over. He or she, came within two feet of camera lenses, and to be honest that brief interaction with a wild creature was the highlight of the whole trip. When we came home, we were showing the pictures to friends and the minute that little beautiful wild fox came up on the slideshow, one of our friends blurted out "fur coat". She totally missed the real beauty of this moment and instead, displayed what I feel is a callousness that is all too typical throughout the world.

My Christmas wish is that while you include a little toy under the tree, for Fido or Kitty, that you would also include a gift for those tragic animals who don't want to have their body parts included amongst the glittering, beribboned packages. Give them the gift of compassion, please, for the sake of this season of Love.

What Am I?

When I was a child, my view of the world was small. I saw myself, my family, then my grade one class and trips to the supermarket. As I got older that view expanded to include the place I worked a first job, then the second and along the way, the friends that I attached to myself. All these became part of who I saw myself as. And swirling in and around all the symbols of me, were the things that I did, the ideas that came into my mind. And mostly I thought about myself and how events in my immediate world affected me. We are all like that, and it is a natural progression and like all progressions, it grows and changes and over time we "become more".

But there comes a point when all of that peaks and the refinement begins and it is at this point that we begin to understand who we are, what we are, what we have been and what we chose to be and in many cases, why we are here. We've all done things that were not noble, where the doing was prompted by selfishness alone and particularly when we were or are young. But these events can become the contrast that enables us to see the person that we wish to see ourselves as, in our later years. Which option, which person do we chose, to be the real us? The person we are in that moment, or someone kinder, gentler, someone "better".

It has been said that you are what you chose to be and if all you have is the "right now", than what are you right now? Are you continuing to be thoughtless, chaotic, allowing life to happen to you, living your life in fragments, because sometimes you are patient, and sometimes you are not. Sometimes you are compassionate and sometimes you have no care for others. A fragmented life cannot be a joy-filled life. In those moments where your choice is only for you and comes at the expense of anothers happiness, how can you experience joy?

Available to all of us is an experience of a life of wisdom, compassion, joy. We only have to make that choice in this moment because this moment is all there is. The past doesn't exist and the future is only a fantasy. But right now is....right now. Right now is all that there is. So right now, how do you see yourself? How do you choose to see yourself? You can choose to be a compassionate person, and make the same choice in the next moment and the next....The essential ingredient in all of this is the ability to imagine the greatest and highest vision of yourself that you can come up with. We are body, mind and spirit. Do we let our body make our decisions, our mind, or do we allow the spirit to take control?

Why I am a vegan.....

About a year ago, Kim said something to me about PETA that made me curious. I can't remember what it was exactly, probably not flattering, but to be honest I hadn't really ever heard about them so I did a search on them. That is one of the marvels of this era in mans history, that very little can be kept secret. You can get information on just about anything. Anyway, a search of the name PETA brought up a wealth of information. There were blogs that mentioned them in passing, there were news articles talking about them, there were newsletters run buy them, and there were undercover videos taken by them. The saying is that a picture is worth a thousand words, and the stories that those videos told broke my heart. It only took a day or two and I made a decision that has changed my life, my cooking, my attitude about so many things. That is why I am a vegan today and will be til I die. Those first few videos were only a start as I found myself unable to turn away from the pain and suffering that I saw and read about. It continued for many months and the images became imprinted in my brain, the frightened little calves, the chickens with no feathers and crippled legs, the tiny piglets tossed aside like garbage, the horses standing against rodeo rails with broken legs dangling.......the list is absolutely endless. I have no cravings for things like ice cream or chocolate, butter on corn or any of the multitude of foods that come from the human use of animals because I see that pain burned onto my brain. I've had occasion to speak of my feelings to Don, trying to explain to him how I am hurt when friends have made a thoughtless joke about eating dogs (I love our dogs!), and my voice breaks up as the tears begin to flow just in the telling.

Next to the terrible sadness that I live with and the empathy that causes my own suffering at their pain, the hardest thing is finding a way to reconcile in my mind, that very few people feel the same way about this. While we recoil in horror at the newspaper story that tells of someone dragging an animal to its death or shudder at the notion that someone would let their animals starve to death, or feel irritation that the neighbor lets their dog run loose in the neighborhood and give birth to one litter after another without regard for the thousands upon thousands of dogs that are killed every day in shelters across the country, sympathy rarely makes the transfer to all the other animals that suffer miserable pain filled existences that are so horrendous, that if we knew of someone doing those things to a pet cat or a pet dog, the SPCA would be called promptly and charges would be filed. Somehow, food animals, fur animals, medical use animals deserve no sympathy, no care, no compassion.

The opening days of Creation were apparently idyllic, the people walked in the garden and the animals had no fear of them, and according to the Bible, the new earth will see the lion lay down with the lamb but in the time between, we see man laying waste to this beautiful jewel of a planet. Would it not make more sense for believers to seek that vision now, that God apparently has for the world? And for those who aren't Christian but are spiritual seekers, what of a desire to live in harmony with the earth and all the beings that walk upon it? One of my favourite quotes was by the Buddha where he said "When a man has pity on all living creatures, then only is he noble". I think it is time for man to climb down from the pedestal that he has so happily placed himself on for nobility is not a trait that is evident when it comes to the kind of treatment that is accorded almost every species on this planet. And don't get me wrong, I do realize that there are many people who work hard to care for animals and provide them with the support that is necessary for them to recover from their interaction with people. The Tennessee Elephant Refuge is a prime example as is Dogtown USA, or the Lange Foundation in California. But these kinds of places are the exception rather than the rule.

In the early days of my change, I struggled with a very real, very hard to live with anger about all of this and out of that anger, I sought out support and understanding on several different forums. One forum was for veg'ns only and the other was a spiritual forum. At one point I was also spending time on a couple horse forums, but found that there was a total lack of care for the horses that wind up being shipped to slaughter. I ran into trouble with those who had racetrack connections as well as the backyard breeders who were willing to consign horses to the slaughterhouse if only they could enjoy the sight of a baby horse of their own cavorting in the back yard. And the racetrack folks were angry at the suggestion that their search for the next winner was the cause of a multitude of horses winding up in that horrific situation of facing the bolt gun and all the terror and suffering that that would cause them. For all their "love" of horses, they needed slaughter houses to get rid of their excess.

The spiritual forum was an experience! What amazed me was that it was necessary to argue for compassion and that I did in a thread that went on for over 800 posts. And while that thread began as the question, "does meat eating affect ones spiritual growth?", it ultimately covered all of the issues from spirituality, to the effects on your body from eating meat, to how does one get all ones nutritional needs met, to the effect of meat production on the health of our planet home. It covered everything and for every argument that I presented, I supplied links and information to back it up. But in the last week the discussion has finally begun to expire. Everything that could be said, has been. I can only hope that one person out of all those that participated is thinking seriously about the issues. As for the needs that first took me to that forum, i.e. how do I reconcile my feelings with the way things are in the world, I suppose the best I can say is that I have become a bit numb and can look away so that I don't feel battered and bloodied every time I am confronted with thoughtless remarks from friends about eating my dog or.....?

In the weeks to come, I hope to share some of my ideas and philosophies on living a life of compassion for the animals that share the earth with us. And I'll tell you of the information that I've come across that should not only make you think, but even inspire a fear for the planet unless our lifestyles change, and I believe there are some very legitimate concerns that we should all be aware of. So til then.....

Adventures in a Culinary Sense....

When a person announces that they are going to quit eating meat, go vegetarian, the most common question is "where will you get your protein?". But when they announce that they are going to take it to the next level and become a vegan, the most common question seems to be "what can you eat?", almost as though after meat, cheese and eggs, there is nothing else. But it is closing in on one year ago since I made that decision and while there was a bit of a learning curve in the first few months, it has been an adventure in flavours, a grand experience in learning, a new understanding of what is really good for the human body and a discovery of what is happening to our world from the environmental standpoint.

So what did we have last night for supper? Let me start by saying that many of our meals are becoming more of a one dish experience with some sort of pickled vegetable beside or sliced fresh cucumbers or pepper slices. Last night I made a rice noodle stir fry, every vegetable (as well as pecans and pumpkin seeds), that was in the fridge was involved and a sauce that I made up myself. It is possible that someone, somewhere thought up the exact same sauce, but this isn't plagerism of a recipe because I've not seen it anywhere yet.

My sauce had the following in it:

3/4 cup water
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 tsp five spice powder
1/4 tsp cayenne powder
dash of salt
1 - 2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp corn starch
1/8 cup pumpkin seeds (ground)

After the veggies were cooked (just barely) to perfection, I started working the pre-cooked and slightly cooled noodles in. The next step was to pour the sauce over the vegetable mixture and stirred it around til it had thickened slightly. And with that, dinner was served.

And while I don't make dessert every day, since becoming a vegan I've learned to make chocolate pudding with rice milk, coco powder, an avocado and half of a banana. I have a great recipe too for blueberry muffins that use no milk, and chocolate chip cookies that are butter free and are sooooo good! Another entree idea is a shredded potato wrap that is a meal in itself. Instead of being bound by the habit of preparing a meal based on and around some type of meat, I have learned to combine flavours, and use spices and a world of vegetable, grain and fruit flavours that prior to "V" Day, I rarely thought about. So back to the question of what do I eat, all the vegetables and fruits and grains and nuts and seeds and spices of the world.

Keep in mind that every food has a bit of protein in it. Protein is the building block of the body, be it the animal or the human body and without it, we would all launguish and die. But cows and horses get big on grass, and bears eat mostly vegetation. As a result, the need for the average human being to make some special effort to ensure their protein requirements is really not a big deal.

As for the health and environmental aspects, well that is another day I think. But for today, enjoy the sunshine if you are lucky enough to have it shining down on you, and if your not so blessed, make the effort to find something else to be grateful for.

Peace and love,
Debby

They'll Never See an Auction!

Five years ago I drove past the auction in Langley. As I passed, I noticed the portable "billboard" sign out front gave an upcoming date for a horse auction. I'd stopped in at the auction once long before that day, out of curiousity. The small dirty wire cages, filled with frightened chickens, ducks and rabbits were stacked up just inside the entrance and beyond them, the pens with the animals. I had walked through rather quickly, and for just a moment, had poked my head in the door of the room where the auction ring was. Rising up steeply against the back wall were the bleachers where people sat, watching to see if any animal came in that might be of use to them. The smoke from numerous cigarettes made the air hazy and I left without going in. And now, as I passed that sign, I imagined if Sierra and Ambra were standing, shivering in terror in one of those pens and the tears welled up in my eyes and I think in that moment I decided that my girls would never see a place like that.

So now Kim and Holly are long gone, no little girls to ride the horses we bought for them and Ambra and Sierra are getting older. Next March they will be 20 years old and we're on the downhill run. My dream for our retirement was that they would have green grass so graze on, a peaceful life and a peaceful death. I think I do this for me, for them and for the horses who will spend their last days in terror and pain. The US has banned horse slaughter and now all those horses that are born to spend their childhood on race tracks and in PMU farms and those who are born because unthinking and uncaring people want to have a baby running in the pasture or who are hoping for the next champion, will be shipped in overcrowded stock trucks, when they are of no more use. They will not be fed or watered on that trip, they will be injured and receive no care and when they arrive in Alberta or in Mexico, they will be brutalized. In Canada, they will be hit repeatedly by bolt guns and in Mexico, they will be stabbed in the neck, over and over again in search of their spinal cord. My girls will never see an auction. I will not sell them to someone else because I'm too old to care for them, because someone might send them to auction and I will not do that to them.

In making this decision, I've given up some things. I left the place I've lived for most of my life, I've left some of my family behind.....but I've gained too. I have peace of mind because I haven't tossed aside these animals that have come to trust me. I've taken a stand against animal abuse and live my life according to that stand and that gives me peace of mind too. When we live our lives according to our beliefs we become stronger.

Where this blog began as a way to keep family apprised on our comings and goings in the place we now live, so far from home, from this point on, you may notice a change. I hope that you will come on this journey with me and I hope that it will give you food for thought. The greatest thing that humanity can do for itself is to keep an open mind because that is the only way we learn and grow. So having said that, I leave you now, til next time.....

Peace and love,
Debby

25 Things to do Each Day!

The urgency of the to do list fades a little each day. Where once there were any number of jobs "on" the list, there were also any number of jobs waiting to be added. But retirement seems to be setting in and I'm having more days when I feel perfectly comfortable just sitting on the porch, listening to the crickets and watching Diesel and Max sleep in the sunny spots. But Holly sent me something that she came across in her journeys on the internet and I just had to share them. These should be the first 25 items on anyones to-do list, and if you feel inclined to add unclogging the kitchen sink then welcome to it. But first and foremost:


1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day, and while you walk, smile.
It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God (or to your higher power or meditate) about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
' My purpose is to__________ today. I am thankful for______________ '

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that
is manufactured in factories.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries,
broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires,
issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a
college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life is not fair, but it is still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don ' t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument.
Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it will not spoil the present.

14. Don ' t compare your life to others. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ' In five
years, will this matter? '

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD (depending on your beliefs) heals everything - but you have to ask Him (translate to your religion).

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night, before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for__________. Today I accomplished_________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings.
You will be smiling before you know it.

34 Years and Counting

Today is the fifteenth of August which means that Don and I have been married for 34 years and 11 days! The countdown for the next 34 years has begun. Just think, in only a couple years I'll be sleeping with an OLD MAN! There was a time when the mere thought would have inspired a series of shudders followed by a snort and a "not on my watch". But here we are 34 years later and I've resigned myself to the senior citizen (soon) bed partner and I can only hope that Don will extend me the same consideration when my day comes. Time marches on and on and on and......

For our anniversary we loaded the kayaks and went up to Cariboo River which is just this side of Pictou. Quiet and pretty area but, unfortunately, we left all four cameras in the car so we have no photos of the day! And the pictures we missed! Coming around one bend in the river, protected from the light breeze, the water was like a mirror. I looked over at Don in his kayak and if I'd taken a picture, I could turn it upside down and you would never be able to tell which way was right side up because there wasn't a ripple to give away the truth. We also took Diesel and Max and they have little lifejackets which keeps them safe. The best position for them we found, was sitting right on the top and just ahead of the cockpit. They just kind of laid down there and watched the river banks go by, the eagles overhead and the kingfishers diving. It was so much fun and so incredibly peaceful too. I just wish we had photos and all I can say is next time. For sure.

I think that for all the hours that we've spent together, and there have been many having had our own business that we ran out of our home, we've done pretty good. We still love each other and as importantly, we like each others company more than anyone elses. We know when to give each other space, and we know when to give in to each other. And we know when stamping a foot is likely to get us what we want. All in all, it's been a pretty good 34 years and having said that, let the counting continue.......!

Fear is only a memory...

What is fear? - how does it come? Fear is always in relation to something; it does not exist by itself. There is fear of what happened yesterday in relation to the possibility of its repetition tomorrow; there is always a fixed point from which relationship takes place. How does fear come into this? I had pain yesterday; there is the memory of it and I do not want it again tomorrow. Thinking about the pain of yesterday, thinking which involves the memory of yesterday's pain, projects the fear of having pain again tomorrow. So it is thought that brings about fear...... Thought is the response of memory. - Taken from Beyond Violence by J. Krishnamurti

So fear is brought about by thought and my thoughts, as are all thoughts, are the result of memories. The unfortunate thing in this instance, is that I love working in my garden, moving plants from here to there in a never ending pursuit of the perfect "look", sort of like rearranging the furniture, only outside. And while I have never been afraid of getting my hands dirty, there is one thing and one thing alone, that can strike fear, nay, terror into my heart.....can make my heart pound, my ears ring and send me from one side of the yard to the other in less time than it takes for Don to say "let's have pie". Did you notice in the middle of the symphony of colorful garden shots the source of my fear? Laying quietly, waiting for me, so that it can wiggle just a little so that it can then settle back and watch the show that I put on as I spot it and then sprint out of its deadly range? I'm sure they sit and laugh, absolutely positive they do and not only they, but if anyone was going by just at that moment would also.

My sister Wendy and I had the opportunity during several summers to visit at Uncle Harvey and Aunt Sarah's. It was on one of those visits that the incident, which caused the memory, which causes the thought, which has caused the fear ever since, first occurred. I can remember it as though it was yesterday. As I stood in the dooryard, with Uncle Harvey's truck on one side of me, paying as little attention as most children do when lost in their daydreams, Wendy approached from around the other side of the pickup. Hearing her, I turned and as I did, she handed me a carton, said "hold this for a minute" and then walked away. As I stood there with the carton in my hands I glanced over to where she was moving away, and as I did so, there was a slight tremble in the carton and then several garter snakes, pushed through the slightly folded down top and hung down across my hands for a moment before dropping to the ground. Thus it began, my memory, my fear.

As an ethical vegan, there is no way I would ever go on a rampage, bent on wreaking havoc and destruction in the snake world. Just wouldn't happen, but at the same time, no matter how much I reason with myself and explain how these little (to me they look huge!) snakes are so necessary in the ecosystem, I just can't stay in the same fifty foot radius as them. Last night I replaced a big rock that had gotten dislodged on the culvert at the driveway and today as we mowed around the culvert, we disturbed TWO ENORMOUS snakes! If I had discovered them last night as I was replacing the rock, well I just would'nt be here to type this post today. I would have had a heart attack, that would have been the end of me.

Practical jokes can be funny sometimes, but they can also be the beginning of something that never ends. We are in the country, there are snakes around and I will just have to be careful when I garden. But when the day comes, that we cannot care for this large property and make the transition to an apartment (or an old folks home), there is one thing that I will NOT miss. Can you guess what it is?

"Don't Tip the Boat!"

I am too lazy to look back at all my posts here, but I am almost positive that I had mentioned in one, that I was going to quit giving in to the habit of feeling blue or something to that effect but you know how it goes with New Years resolutions and old habits. One is so hard to keep and the other so hard to "not keep" doing and wouldn't you know it, I've once again found myself in that dreadful rut. The good thing is that I've finally become aware of it and that is the first step to moving away from it (once again!). Mind you, we've had so much rain that maybe the grey skies have also had something to do with the blahhs. Oh well, someday the sun will return, both within and "without" if you know what I mean.

On a lighter note, we recently got a couple of kayaks as I may have mentioned, and last weekend, we went to a safety workshop. We learned how to get into our kayaks, both while just at the shore and in the event that we ever get tipped out. There were about ten people in the class, and with the instructor Bob in the water, we each had to tip ourselves out of the kayak and then he showed us how to get the water out, get back in, and then remove the rest of the water. It was hard to over-ride the natural instinct to "not tip the boat", but once I was in the water, it wasn't scary at all. I can't say that I was the most graceful at getting back in (but on the other hand, I also wasn't the most grace-less!) and once you know how, it's actually pretty simple. The body of water that we were on lies between New Glasgow and Pictou and the day that we were there was smooth as glass and amazingly warm.

Don is taking some photos for Bob to use on his website for advertising so we are going to go back when he has his new shipments of boats in and on that day we'll take ours and then after the photo session is done, we will put them in the water and cruise the coastline there for a couple hours. It's really very pretty and I'm looking forward to it. Anyhow, enjoy the photos of the workshop.

Can you just look?

Salad bowl in front of me, clean vegetables strewn across the counter, I happened to glance up from what I was doing and saw the big tree on the other side of the driveway and noticed that its branches were bent as it bowed before the blustering wind, and the bottoms of the leaves made it seem as though the tree was a paler shade of green. The rain blew against those branches, blew against those leaves and they glistened as they tossed and thrashed. My hands paused at what they were doing as I stood quietly, motionless, and made a conscious effort to look, to see, but not to label or allow names or descriptions of what I looked at, to come into my mind. And all around the edges of my consciousness it was as though those words that describe what we look at tried to slip themselves in through the cracks, to force me to allow them, to consider them.

Later on, when I called Don in to come and eat, I told him about my little experiment. I said to him, "it is a very hard thing to look at something without getting involved in a conversation with yourself about that which you see". To just look and not think about how big it is, how many small branches are bending in the wind, what color, what texture......to just look at it. And his response was priceless. He looked for a couple minutes to test my theory, and then he said "not if you are a man". And I laughed, and was reminded of a comedian that I watched once. He said to all the ladies in his audience, "girls, next time you ask your boyfriends what they are thinking about.....and they say "oh nothing"........believe them.

Enjoy your day, and don't forget to look.....just look.

Enveloping, enshrouding and encapsulating....

To arrive at this moment in my life, at this time in the worlds journey seems a curiousity. We humans have all careened through our days and years, on auto pilot, with some vague destination in mind that for far too many of us, turns out to be unreachable. We live in the belief and the hope that some future date will bring us the joy that our spirit seeks and discover repeatedly that it is still somewhere down the road, somewhere on the time-line of life, ahead of us. Our failure is that we don't look to this moment, right now, for that fulfillment. We neglect to stop and experience what is. To let it roll around us, bump up against our legs, rising higher and higher, enveloping, enshrouding, encapsulating us until we are forced to inhale it in, so that we are filled and covered with the now, part of - what is. This moment, right now.

Over the years I've enjoyed writing letters to various members of my family, letters to the editor upon occasion, and of late, writing posts on various forums that have held an interest for me. My appreciation of the written word when I was a child, bordered on obsession. And from time to time, I've entertained the occasional impulse to write my memoirs, such as they are, and I tell myself, for the sake of my children. So that they will know who I am. But, and doesn't there seem to be a "but" far too often, of late, I've come to a new realization that as humans, we are all compulsive thinkers and that we have reduced and limited our lives to words and thoughts which are really only more words, just rearranged differently to accomodate the newest mood that we find ourselves in. We live in the past, which doesn't exist any more and base all of our hoped for tomorrows on it.

Too often, thoughts moving at a hundred miles per minute, we forget to just "be" in this moment, to be in the now..........................can you feel your heart beating and when did you last sit and just experience it doing what it does each and every moment of the years that you have alloted to you? When was the last time you sat, with no tv on, no music, no one talking, and gave your mind a rest? Turned the "thinking machine" to off. When was the last time you tried to just sit and "be"? In that quietness lies a link to the divine, in that silence lies the link to the peace, if only for the briefest of moments, to the peace that your spirit craves. In that moment,.............but only til the words begin again.

There will be no memoirs because they are only words and are not the real me. I am not words, my past no longer exists and my future is only a fantasy and I only exist in this moment, right now. We each have a single opportunity to experience each other in this briefest of instances. Let's not obscure what there is to know with a muddle of sounds and labels and old stories that only tell what kind of image we each see and want the world to see. Instead, feel this moment, the two of us, as it bumps up against our legs, rises higher and higher......

Still Renovating and renovating and renovating....

Will it ever end? Considering that I have a to-do-list with about ten items on it (and I'm sensible enough not to discourage myself by including absolutely everything), I think the answer to the question is "no, it will never end". The latest project is screening in the side porch. And so to that end, we had to start out by putting rails on it. Now I gotta tell you that Don loves his nail gun but it makes me nervous even though I appreciate the ease and convenience of using it. So he's happily nailing rails on and all of a sudden, no more nailing and he's dancing around holding on to his finger. I dropped what I was doing and looked over his clenched hands and sure enough, he's done it! Nailed his finger. Fortunately only his finger! "I'll turn off the coffee pot and then I gotta put the horses back in the paddock" and Don said he would clean up the tools.

Now normally, the compressor is heavy and cumbersome enough to need two hands to lug it out but, and I did not see this myself, Don grabbed that baby up with one hand and hustled it into the garage with hardly a backward look. By the time I got back from the barn, the tools were tidied up, the garage door closed and locked and Don was sitting in the car. And off to the hospital we went. What a day! Put an end to the porch work for a few days, but the nail didn't go through the bone, just slipped underneath it and so it wasn't long before we were back at it. Unfortunately, I don't have any photos of the nail and the finger, but you do get to see how nice the porch is looking so far. Next week I hope to be putting the screen on and then old fashioned screen door and then I can cross one item off the to do list. And that will leave how many? Hmmm, was that nine, or ten or....

Hum a little tune while we wait for the sun.....

A few weeks ago I happened to look out the windows that overlook the backyard and was amazed to see a mob of robins. I lost count at 25 plus because of the constant movement and business of these messengers of spring made it hard to keep up. So the birds have declared that spring is here, now if only the weather would catch up. An occasional warm day, but then several chilly ones, rain too. But it will come, and then we'll all be happy.

And as the robins are here, I'm sure that the little hummingbirds will be back if they are not already. Where did I put my hummingbird feeders? I will have to search the cupboards and get them out there pretty quick. We had a couple of hanging baskets last year too and we'll repeat that and in a couple years my trellis will be covered with honeysuckle and then it will be like a smorgasborg for hummers.

Oh dear, the rain has started again, but I still have faith that the sun isn't far behind.

Stanley Street, After....

So I thought you might like to see our little project that has been taking ages (or so it seems) to complete. The first pictures here are obviously the "after" pictures and if you continue on, you'll get to see what we began with. The house is about 75 years old and the lady who lived there previously was elderly and not well, so for decades nothing was done to it. So we insulated, some plumbing, new windows and siding and lots of paint and elbow grease among other things. So there you have it.

More Stanley Street, After....

So now you've seen what can be done with a little imagination, a lot of elbow grease and a couple bucks (or three or....). and the next are the icky "before" pictures.